Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt

'Little Red Riding Pig' told by Nanny Piggins

May 06, 2020 R.A. Spratt Season 1 Episode 11
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
'Little Red Riding Pig' told by Nanny Piggins
Chapters
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
'Little Red Riding Pig' told by Nanny Piggins
May 06, 2020 Season 1 Episode 11
R.A. Spratt

After accidentally eating a large amount of coffee cake, the children need a good bedtime story. So Nanny Piggins tells them the tale of one of her distant yet fabulously glamorous relatives, Little Red Riding Pig.

Support the show (https://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=5478&awinaffid=714853&clickref=podcast+link1&ued=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.bookdepository.com%2Fauthor%2FR-A-Spratt)

Show Notes Transcript

After accidentally eating a large amount of coffee cake, the children need a good bedtime story. So Nanny Piggins tells them the tale of one of her distant yet fabulously glamorous relatives, Little Red Riding Pig.

Support the show (https://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=5478&awinaffid=714853&clickref=podcast+link1&ued=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.bookdepository.com%2Fauthor%2FR-A-Spratt)

speaker 0:   0:00
Hello and welcome to bedtime storeys with our a sprat. Today's storey is little red riding pig. It was very late in the greenhouse hold. Nanny Pickens was not a stickler for bedtimes, but even she usually had the Children in bed before two AM, if for no other reason than because by that time they were always exhausted with whatever thrilling activity she thought up that day. But on this occasion, things had not gone quite to plan. The Children had enjoyed a thrilling day with their nanny, avoiding the truancy officer by leaping off a cliff top in a home made hang glider, which they had constructed from paper Mashaei, using the pages from Mr Green's law books. So Derek, Samantha and Michael were totally tuck it out. They were just about to settle down for bed with a glass of milk and a nice big slice of cake. When Nanny begins, own exhaustion caused her to make a terrible mistake. She told Samantha to fetch a cake from the sixth shelf of the pantry when she should have said the seventh. The cake was brown and Samantha was also tired, so she didn't think anything off. It She and her brothers had eaten seven slices each before the nanny entered the living room and realised her dreadful error. The Children were not eating chocolate cake. They were eating coffee cake. They were obviously never going to be able to get to sleep with that much caffeine in their systems. So there's only one thing Nanny Pickens could do. She ate seven slices of coffee cake itself, curled up with the Children on the couch, and settled in to tell them a gripping bedtime storey. At first, she tried to tell the Children the storey of the great vanilla slice shortage of 18 23 because it's important to teach Children about the great moments in history. But the Children had heard that one before Nanny Begins, got weepy and recounted it every time she ate vanilla Slice. So Derek requested that, perhaps instead, Nanny Pickens could tell them a storey about one of her relatives. Why are so many pigeons have the police put you up to this? Are you fishing for information you can sell to the law enforcement officials, perhaps in exchange for a shorter gaol term for the terrible crime you've committed yourselves. But I haven't committed a terrible crime, protested Derek. Good said 90 Pickens. You're too young to go to gaol. Plus orange isn't your colour. The jumpsuits would never suit you. We just enjoy hearing about your relatives, Michael assured her. I understand, said Nanny Pickens, there much more interesting than any human I know. People make a fuss about Marie Curie and Gandhi and young men who are good at kicking footballs around. But honestly, none of them has a CZ much glamour in their entire body, as any one of my relatives has in her hind trotter. To be fair, said Samantha, I don't think Marie Curie organdy were trying to be glamorous. Hart Scott nanny begins. Perhaps they would have been taken more seriously if they'd been able to blast themselves out of a cannon. Derek tried to get 90 Pickens back on track. So do you have a storey for us? Said Nanny Pickens. She rubbed her snout. Is she considered all the options? With Nanny begins? It was never a question of whether she did have a storey, but rather which one of the thousands of fabulous anecdote she would tell. I know I will tell you a storey about my dear cousin. Okay, said Michael and his experience. Cousins could be fairy boring, but he was confident that a cousin of Nanny Pickens was going to beam or interest in than his second cousin, Sebastian, whose hobbies included polishing rocks on, then telling you about the rocks he had polished. Yes, a distant cousin of mine's a Nanny Pickens. Her name was Little Red Riding Pig, not little Red Riding Hood asked Michael Red Riding Hood. Arsene Pickens. Why on Earth, which he wear a hood hood? Zahra. Terrible fashion mistake. They hide a pig's best feature, her face, but worse than that Hood's indeed, all hats commit a dreadful crime. They crushed the hair. No, no, Biggins, unless you've been tortured by a milliner, would ever willingly aware our hood. You wore a hood when he went into school and pretended to be the Grim Reaper so you could frighten the headmaster, Michael reminded her, telling him he was going to die from eating too many chocolate biscuits. Yes, well, I didn't begrudge him the biscuit, said Nanny Pickens. It was the fact that he was pilfering money out of the Children's Fishpond Fund that annoyed May. But let's get back to Little Red Riding. Pick suggested Derek. Yes, said Nanny begins Now. It just so happens the little Red Riding pigs Grandmother, Big Red Riding pig. They weren't the most imaginative branch of the family when it came to thinking up names. This grandmother had a broken ankle getting blasted out of a cannon guest. Michael, No, but you're close said Nanny begins. She broke her leg chasing a woodcutter down her driveway and trying to kick him. She missed and fell in a ditch. Why was she trying to kick a woodcutter? Ask Derek, who was sad. Really? Said Nanny begins. He kept coming around, offering to cut wood. Isn't that what woodcutters do? Ask Derek. She had an electric heater, said Nanny begins as if that explained everything. So said Samantha. He was just using wood chopping as an excuse, said Nanny Pickens, because he was secretly in love with her. Oh, so the Children catching on. Nanny Pickens had a similar problem herself with a certain retired army colonel who lived around the corner. It was always offering to run someone over with a tank if she should require it So anyway, big red writing pig had a broken foot, which meant she couldn't bake a cake, which meant she was starving to death, said Nanny begins. Couldn't you just eat a tin of beans instead? Are Samantha she was a pig? Ins declared Nanny Pickens. She'd rather staff to death than eat a legume. Sorry, said Samantha realised she'd made a terrible pig for par. Now Little Red Riding Pig was a good piglets, said Danny Begins. She loved her granny dearly, so she immediately offered to bring her a few basic supplies. She baked 300 chocolate mud cakes, really top quality ones with thick ice in, packed them up in a huge wicker basket on. Got ready to hurry them over. How could she carry that much K cast? Michael. She couldn't admit it. Nanny Pickens, but she wasn't a stupid pig. Her basket had wheels. Great big ones like waggon wheels. In fact, they were the wheels she'd stolen off a waggon. Originally, her waggon wheels have been proper waggon wheels. You know, the type made out of cookies, marshmallow jam and chocolate. But she'd even them on her last journey, so she thought it best to get some waggon wheels that were just wheels. Then anyway, she set off dragging this through the forest. I don't like the sound of this, said Michael. They all end happily, don't they? No fun. If I tell you that demanded Nanny begins, I don't know what's wrong with your generation. What is everything to end? Happily, of course, because it's not all going to end happily. At the very least, it'll end badly for the cake because you know someone will end up grinding it up with their teeth, mixing it with their saliva before swallowing it into their stomach was dissolved by acid and Paris. So that's the storey asked Eric. They ate the cake? No, actually said Nanny begins. There was a nasty incident on the way. I can't what? Said Michael, clapping his hands over his eyes. It's a storey set, Samantha. It doesn't matter if you don't watch. I don't want to watch what my brain is going to imagine when I hear the bad bits, said Michael. Well, you have to hear it now or you'll never have closure, said Nanny Biggins. Little red riding pic was dragging her massive basket of cake through the forest when suddenly ah Wolf jumped out in front of the screen. Michel Samantha certainly begins. Make a note. I must put less coffee in my coffee cake next time. I don't think your brother can handle it. Samantha dutifully noted thiss down. Little pig. Little pig, said the wolf. You look so soft and tender and juicy. I am going to bop Little Red Riding Hood hit the wolf hard on the nose on, knocked him out cold before he could finish his sentence. But didn't they have a conversation where she told him she was going to grandmother's? And he said he wanted to eat her up? Ask Derek. No, said 90 Pickens. That would be pretty stupid, wouldn't it? If a strange Worf leaps out at you in the middle of the dark forest, you'd be a nincompoop to have a conversation with it. No red writing pick knocked him out cold and continued on with our journey. Of course, when the wolf woke up, he felt like a truck hit. Hit him. What happened? Ask the wolf. Robin is very sore nose. Ah, pic punched. You explained a nearby rabbit. Then it all came back to him. The wolf remember the conversation with the pig lit, the trotter flying towards his face with alarming speed, the split in pain in his nose. So the wolf leapt to his feet and ate the rabbit, which was very inconsiderate, given that the rabbit had only been trying to be helpful. Then he ran the long way around to grandmother's house. Grandmother lived in a tiny cottage right in the middle of the wood, which was ridiculous when you think about it on elderly lady with a broken leg. Living in such a remote location, the wolf nipped around the back and climbed in through the bathroom window. Then he snuck through the house to the bedroom on DH slowly on oh so quietly pushed open the door. Then he left on the bed and began. Is eating frenzy? Gobble, gobble, gobble. Nash Nash Nash, Sorrel. He didn't three pillows and half the dinner before he realised that Granny was not in the bed. He looked about. She wasn't anywhere in the house. That is when he heard Little red riding pick dragging her cake up the front path. So the wolf quickly put on Granny's dressing gown on nightcap and leapt into the uneaten betting on her bed. Hi, Granny. I've just dropped off a cake called Little Red Riding Peek. I'll be off, then Wait! Cried the wolf. Aren't you going to come and give your granny a hug? Little red Riding pig paused, But you don't like hugs. You say. That's how disease spreads. I'm feeling frail. I would like a nice hug laid the wolf. He was just trying to get a closer so he could eat her up, read Rite in pig step closer and leaned in. But then she stopped. Why, grandmother? What a big stomach you have. Your dressing gown doesn't fit you anymore. You know fat as the wolf. His feelings were hurt. Yes, said Little red riding pig on Grandmother. What bad breath you have to. It smells like you've been eating raw Rabbit does as a wolf, he was horrified. He had always been self conscious about his breath because wolves don't have toothbrushes, you know, or opposable thumbs. So even if they did have toothbrushes, they couldn't use them. One more thing, said little red riding pick leaning very close. Now, Grandmother, what a big power little red riding pick, but the wood hard on the head. Ah, great big wolf you are. Oh, how did you know? Ask the wolf. Was there a floor in my disguise? Yes, just the little one, said Little Red Riding pic. You're a wolf. Your face is covered in brown fur, and you've got about 50 more teeth than a pig. Why are you pretending to be my granny? Because I want to wake you up, said the wolf. Really? Said Little Red Riding pick. Or then you really need to rethink your lifestyle. Pork is no good for you. It's high in saturated fats. That's the stuff that clogs your arteries and makes it hard for yourselves to process sugar, which causes diabetes. Have you ever considered becoming a vegetarian? No, said the wolf. Vegetarian food is disgusting. Oh, it's not so little Red riding pick Chocolate Cake is vegetarian. I've never tried it, said the wolf. Well, you're in luck, said Red Riding pic. I just happen to have three cubic metres of chocolate cake with me. I guarantee, after one slice, you'll never want to eat pork again. If I'm wrong, you're well going to bite off one of my own legs, all right, agreed the wolf. So little red riding pig cut a slice of chocolate cake, put it on a plate with some whipped cream and a fork, and a Soviet on handed it to the wolf. He tentatively scooped up a small morsel, put it in his mouth and instantly fell in love with a little red riding pig. Asked Michael. No, Silly said. Nanny begins with the cake, although he probably fell in love with her as well. We, Pickens is have that effect on people. Then the grandmother burst in. She brought them both on the head for eating in her bed and dropping crumbs. So they went down to the kitchen and ate some or that day to this. The wolf has never eaten anything other than chocolate cake. But our wolves dogs, said Derek on Isn't chocolate poisonous to dogs? Well, I didn't say he lived a long life said in any Biggins, but he did live a happy one. Thie end time for bed. Thank you for listening to support this podcast. Just go to your local bookshop or favourite online bookseller on by a book by May are a sprat. There's lots to choose from. Across The Nanny begins Friday. Barnes and Pesky kids range until next time. Goodbye.