A Tall Tale About the Moon... and Cows

While out walking the dog one night, Tammy's Mum tells the most outrageous story about the origin of the moon and the cows responsible.

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Transcript

R.A. Spratt:   0:00
Hello and welcome to Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt. Today's story is Mom's Story about the moon. Here we go.

R.A. Spratt:   0:16
Having a dog is great. They're so endlessly loving and affectionate and playful. Really, there's only one downside. Well, actually two down sides, One you have to pick up their poo. Two, even in winter, when it's cold and windy and drizzly in, you still have to take them for a walk. But Tammy loved her dog and she loved going for walks with a mum, so she didn't mind. Not too much. Not if she had a really warm coat on. It was kind of fun. Peering in through the shop windows at night and imagine things about the people who worked in there during the day. You could look into the neighbor's house is to see how the renovations were going, how tightly they were if the lights were on inside. But it was dark outside. You could see in and they couldn't see out so you could stare as much as he liked. Mom and Tammy turned into the field to walk the last few 100 metres back to the house. There was 1/2 moon in the sky and the cold winter wind was blowing the clouds across it. It was spooky, like something from a movie. It's 1/2 moon tonight, said Tammy. Yes, it is, said Mom. I wish the moon was made of cheese, said Tammy. Oh, it is set. Mom, Mom, said Tammy, rolling her eyes. Mom had very few faults, but if she did have a the little tiny one, it was that she had a great love for telling outrageous falsehoods. Mum maintained that they weren't falsehoods. There were storeys and storeys were an important part of shared cultural identity and therefore completely all right. But every other adult time you've ever met said that lying was wrong. But calling your mother a lie was also wrong. So she was in a tricky spot. No, it ISS, said Mom. Of course, the hard part was getting the cows to go up there to make it. Mom said Tammy, because they had to go to NASA and train how to be astronauts, continued Mum. Mom said Tammy. And as you can imagine, said Mom, NASA didn't have any astronaut suits that fit a cow. The space shuttle didn't fit them either. because the doors were too small, but the cows embraced the challenge. They're lovely animals, cows. You see them standing in a green grass field and you think they don't do much. But when you think about it, all the cheese and all the yoga and all the milk, you see the supermarket. That's all the work of cows. They're very industrias. So when someone said to this brave heard of dairy cows, Ladies, we need you to go into outer space, orbit 384,000 kilometres above the earth and create a celestial object 10,000 kilometres in circumference entirely out of cheese. You know what the cow said? I don't want to know what the cow said, said Tammy. They thought about it for a moment, said Mom. Then they asked what type of cheese The man from NASA obviously hadn't expected. That one said Mom. He was flustered, said the guy from NASA. He was used to dealing with the most complicated aspects of physics, aeronautical engineering and astronomy. But he didn't know a lot about mature dairy products. That's your area of expertise, he said. To the cows. What do you recommend? Red Leicester piped up one jersey cow. Good choice, agreed the cows. But then the moon would look red, pointed out of freezing cow on. People might think it was a giant stop sign. Good points of the other cows. How about a nice bit of brie said, A whole steam room? Or the cows like that idea. Everyone likes a nice bit of soft cheese. What about Swiss cheese? Said an airship cow. Delicious agreed. The other cows, but to holy spaceships, might get stuck in there. I know, said a short on. How about a lovely bit of Cheddar? Lovely agreed. Or the other cows? Let's do that. So they all went to Houston, Texas. That's where NASA is based on began their training. It was very rigorous, as I'm sure you can imagine, they had to train physically. The train has tried to get the cows to do push ups and pull ups, but cows joints don't bend, so that had to be abandoned pretty quickly. They also had to be trained mentally. The scientists tried to teach the cows how to use computers, but cows were very good at using keyboards there who's were too big, so every time they went to type something out there who's would just hit half the keys on the keyboard at once. So emailing took forever and re calculating re entry. Velocity and angle was practically impossible. But the cows were really good at one really important thing. Eating grass, the lawns that NASA had never looked better. In fact, the only person who was upset about the whole let's Make a Moon out of cheese plan was the lawnmower man. The cows had put him out of a job. You see, he had been mowing the lawns at NASA for 10 years, and now he had nothing to do. He was angry at first, and he stopped about polishing his lawnmower and sulking. But it's hard to stay angry at a cow. I think it's the eyelashes. They're just so lovable. So NASA retrained him as a milk man. It was his job to go into space with the cows and milk them twice a day, and that's what they did. Thie actual launch into space was a bit stressful, because leaving the earth's atmosphere is so hot. Thie outside of the spaceship reaches temperatures of up to 500 degrees and cows are very wary of getting too hot. Turning into steak is their worst nightmare. But once they were up there, floating endlessly in the weightless silence of space, they had a lovely time. It was very relaxing, really. They set around the international space dairy station all day, playing cards and board games. The cows would eat grass, which was weird because there's no lawn in space. So all the grass was in tubes like toothpaste. They'd suck on their tubes of grass all day on. Then they'd get milked. And then the lawnmower man would put all the fresh milk into a cheese machine and make a batch after batch of delicious cheddar cheese on DH. That's how the moon came to be made. It was a big job, and it took him a while. But it's been a great help to everyone ever since because the moon puts out just enough light so you can see away from the car back to the front door of your house without stubbing your toe on anything. So next time you don't stub your toe. Think of those brave, hardworking cows. The man who milked tum on the huge celestial lump of cheese they made just for you. Mom, you're an idiot, said Tammy. An idiot or a genius, said month. An idiot, said Tammy. But when she said You're an idiot, Mum knew she was really saying, I love you. I love you too, said Mum. The End.  

R.A. Spratt:   6:59
Thank you for listening. To support this podcast just buy a book by me, R.A. Spratt. There's lots to choose from from across the Friday Barnes, Nanny Piggins, and Peski Kids series. You can order them from your local bookstore or go to my website raspratt.com and click on the Book Depository banner. They've got all my titles and they have free international shipping. That's it for now, until next time Goodbye.