Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt

Nanny Piggins and the Sherbet Lemon That Saved the Day

September 16, 2020 R.A. Spratt Season 1 Episode 30
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
Nanny Piggins and the Sherbet Lemon That Saved the Day
Show Notes Transcript

To celebrate the upcoming release of the audiobook of 'The Adventures of Nanny Piggins', I'm posting this live recording of me reading Chapter 4 from that book. I recorded this at a zoom event for The Little Bookroom in Melbourne. You can't hear them because they were muted but there were over 90 kids listening in as I read and I could see their faces in the little boxes all over my screen.

This is a classic Nanny Piggins story from the first book in her series. It features her first experience driving a car and the first appearance of the Police Sergeant who went on to become a much loved character.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, and welcome to bedtime stories with me, RA SPRAT. Well, I've had a fantastic week this week, cause I got to go into the studio, a penguin and record an audio book, which I've never done before. So I was super excited and I recorded the first ever book I wrote, which was the adventures of nanny Piggins. I wrote it 14 years ago. And just this week I finally got to make the audio book and do all the recording myself. So it was really cool. So to celebrate that because it's going to come out really soon, it's gonna come out in November, 2020. Uh, so to celebrate the release, I'm going to play for you now, a recording of me reading chapter four from that book, uh, chapter four is significant because that's the chapter that was cut out of the U S edition of the book. So all the U S listeners to this podcast, one of read this chapter before. Um, so I hope you really enjoy it. And just so you know, the recording here, it's a zoom event I did with a bookstore in Melbourne, which is in lockdown at the moment. So all the kids there are cooped up at home. So one of the local bookstores, the little book room organize this same event. So thanks to them. I was able to do this recording. Here you go. So this is called a nanny Piggins and the sherbet lemon that saved the day. So here we go, nanny Piggins and the three children were crouched on the kitchen floor, holding a cockroach race where mr. Green entered. Now one of the first things nanny Piggins had taught the children was what to do. If someone walks in on you when you're doing something bad. So when mr. Green burst in the children did exactly as they'd been trained, they stayed absolutely still. And did not say a word completely ignoring the four cockroaches as the creatures scattered across the floor in front of them. Nanny Piggins made a mental note to recatch hers later, because it was a big one with long legs. And to be ashamed, to let it run wild apart from making excellent racist cockroaches can be tremendously handy for shocking hygienic people and clearing long queues at the deli, mr. Green saw nothing wrong, wrong with the disarray of furniture or the fact that his children were sitting on the floor amongst an infestation of insects, because in truth, he was not looking at them. Whenever his children came into his eyeline, he looked through them. He found Parenthood less disturbing that way he'd come into the room to impart the minimum amount of information to the nanny. And then retreat nanny Piggins could sense this. So she did not speak. She didn't want to encourage him to hang around any longer than he had to. Um, I'm going to be going away for a few days, said mr. Green, the children's first instinct was to squeal with joy. It's always nice when their father was out of the house, but it was extra, especially nice. If they knew he wasn't going to come back for many, many days, I trust you'll be all right with the children continued mr. Green. Yes. Agreed. Nanny begins. There was an awkward pause. I suppose. You'll need my contact details of where I'm staying and said mr. Green glumly. No, that's all right. If something terrible happens, we can wait and tell you about it. When you get back Sydney Piggins mr. Green, much preferred it this way. He was very pleased that the nanny had suggested it. Unfortunately for mr. Green in looking forward to five days without any contact with his three children, he had a temporary brain spasm and said the following. Then I will leave my car key for you. In case you need to drive somewhere, you know, rushing the children to hospital in an emergency in the middle of the night. That sort of thing with that, he took his car key off his key ring and laid it down on the kitchen bench. Oh, thank you, Sidney. Piggins I don't imagine we will use it, but it's good to know. I can, in case of a really, really extreme emergency, like someone's hand accidentally getting chopped off, hands up. If you've ever had your hand accidentally chopped off. None of you. Good, good. It'd be hard to put your hand up. If you had wouldn't it you'd have to put your foot up. Are you wearing shoes? I'm not wearing shoes. That's the good thing about doing things at home. You don't have to wear shoes anyway. All right then said, mr. Green. He often said meaningless things in place that make an actual conversation I'll be off. So goodbye. I suppose goodbye said nanny Piggins and the children. The door had barely swung back to the doorpost before nanny Piggins leaped up on the floor and in an act of unexpected athleticism, hold herself at the kitchen counter snatching up the key as quickly or as humanly or rather Piggly possible. The key to the car said he begins in all struck tones. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever given me. He didn't actually give it to. You said Derek, he wanted Nettie Piggins to have the key to the car as much as anyone, but still he thought it was important to be accurate. He just lent it to you. Yes. He lent me this key, but when I take it to the key cutter and get a copy made that key will be mine said nanny Piggins. Derek could not argue with that. Just think with this key, we could go anywhere in the world said, nanny Piggins anywhere until you get to the sea, then you'd have to swap to a boat. Samantha pointed out. Oh, I'm sure we could get a very nice boat in exchange for your father's car. It's brand new. And he has it washed all the time said, nanny Piggins this frightened some mapper. I wasn't suggesting you swap father's car said Samantha. No, of course not agreed nanny Piggins, but it's nice to know. I can, if I absolutely have to, you know, to ensure well peace or something like that, Samantha was only slightly reassured. Let's go look at it said it said nanny Piggins moments later, nanny pickins in the children's stood looking at mr. Green's car. It was impressive. It was a rolls Royce and they usually are impressive. But mr. Green had got it cheap because something had gone wrong at the paint mixing factory and the car had accidentally been painted in the exact same shade of yellow as cat's sick. This did not deter nanny Piggins and the children, the car looked impressive and exotic to them. Now that they had complete control over it, the paint work, Shaun brighter, the upholstery smells stronger. And the whole thing just looked bigger. Let's sit in the car and see how it feels said. Nanny begins. You're only meant to drive it in extreme emergencies. Samantha reminded her. We're only sitting in it. What harm can that do? Reason nanny Piggins. Samantha could not argue with that. What harm could it do besides she wanted to sit in the backseat and pretend she was the queen waving to the crowds of loyal subjects. So all four of them happily climbed in Samantha pretended she pretended she was the Kwame. Michael pretended to be a fire engine driver. Derek pretended to be a detective staking out a criminal's lair and nanny Piggins pretended. She was the nanny of a very silly man who gave her the key to his car. It was a lot of fun. Having a car was even more fun than cockroach racing. Why don't you turn the radio on suggested Derek? How do I do that? As nanny Piggins just put the key in the ignition and turn it one notch. Derek explained nanny Piggins did, as he suggested. And suddenly the car was filled with noise. The loud boring noise of two men talking about politics. Yuck change. The channel said Michael Derek reached over and pressed a few buttons. Suddenly they were listening to music. Oh, we can choose what we listened to said nanny Piggins. Oh yes. There's dozens of stations to choose from. Derek explained, I assumed your father's radio was permanently set to the most boring station in the world. I didn't realize he could choose to change. It said nanny Piggins Oh yes. The Derek, you just press the buttons up or down till you find a station that you like nanny pagans was astounded. Just think of all the times we've been in the car with him and we've either had to listen to him talk or, or the radio talk when we could have been listening to music. Oh, I would have done something about it. If I'd known the children could see that nanny Piggins had a point. The car was so much more exciting. Now that their father wasn't in it. What does this button do? Ask nanny begins reaching towards a small black box in the middle of the central tray. Oh, that opens the garage door, said Samantha really said nanny Piggins as she reached over and press the button. What are you doing in the ass? Samantha? Immediately suspicious. I thought we might take the car out for a little drive, said Natty Piggins, but you're only meant to drive it in extreme emergencies said, Samantha, now you must understand Samantha was not a spoil sport. She loved her nanny and she enjoyed fun. She just took a little while longer to warm, up to fund than most kids. But once she finally stopped worrying and started enjoying herself, she could be as much fun as the next irresponsible youth. Yes I know. But the problem is said nanny Piggins I don't know how to drive. So I'd better learn. Now that way I'll know how to do it when an emergency does happen, but did he learn how to drive at the circus? As Michael with surprise, it seemed to him that nanny Pickens had learned everything at the circus. No sudden, only begins absentmindedly and she poked buttons, hoping it would make the car go. If I wanted to get somewhere, I just have them fire me out of the Canada in that general direction. So how do I make this go? Oh, you just turn the key. Another notch said Derrick, he, wasn't not really thinking about the consequences of this suggestion because his mind was too busy. Picturing nanny Piggins shooting through the air, carrying a letter on the way to the post office before he knew it. The engine brought to life. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh my goodness. He exclaimed. Now we're cooking with gas sitting any Piggins delightedly this was one of her favorite expressions. She wasn't sure what it meant precisely, but she imagined it had something to do with the delight. Cavemen feel. It felt when they invented fire, when they invented gas and they could stop lighting fires by rubbing two sticks together. Where should we go? She asked the children. How about the shops suggested Derek conservatively? How about we just very slowly back out of the driveway suggested Samantha even more conservatively. How about we go to Iceland? Suggested Michael, not conservatively at all.

Speaker 2:

Um, he knew

Speaker 1:

The car had seven airbags. So not only was he liked to leaks to survive a crash. He probably, it was probably exciting and fun. I know declared nanny Piggins let's do all three. And with that, she threw the car into reverse and went precisely nowhere. What happens to Derek? He opened his eyes. He'd closed them to brace for impact. I think just in case nanny, Piggins managed to back straight into a truck. As she came out of the driveway, he looked over to see what nanny pickins was doing and immediately recognized the problem. It's your legs sit Derrick. They're not long enough to reach the pedals. What peddle said, nanny Piggins. Although she saw the answer for herself. When she looked down and saw two of them once to make the car go and the others to make the car stop, explain Derek how ingenious said nanny Piggins humans could be annoying, but they did come up with some clever things. Well, there's nothing for it. Samantha hoped nanny Piggins was going to say that they'd have to all go back in the house. But of course she did not. She said Michael will have to crawl down there and press them for me. When I call out, Michael was only too willing to do just that. So they were soon lurching backwards down the driveway with terrifying bursts of speed followed by jolting stops. Derek was reluctantly impressed with nanny Piggins when she managed to get the car out onto the road, but only having driven over one rubbish bin and two rosebushes.

Speaker 2:

Okay.

Speaker 1:

Henry is feeling a bit better now. Isn't it. He's still shaking a little bit, but he's not as frightened just so you all know we've out of the driveway. Now let's go to the shop yield nanny Piggins she was excited and giddy with her new found source of power. Just think we can buy lollies without having to get exhausted from the walk there. Oh my goodness. Exclaim Derrick for he had opened the glove box and was overwhelmed by what he saw in there. What is it asking then? He begins, look at all the money in the glove box said Derek pointing because there in front of him was an entire$10 worth of small change in coins. It was the change mr. Green used for paying the toll on the way to work. It's like a pirate treasure chest said nanny. Piggins making a mental note to search mr. Greene's from things for money. More often, look at all that money. It's a fortune. Think how much chocolate we're going to be able to buy with all that. Even Samantha was beginning to stop worrying at the thought of all that chocolate press hard on the go pedal. Michael, we've got lollies to buy ordered many Piggins and Michael being a good boy did exactly as he was told the car shot forward. And then he Piggins using all her dexterity and skill from years of being a circus performer was able to drive the car all the way to the shop without touching the brake pedals. Once at least not until they got to the shop where Michael hit the brakes. So hard, the car left two great long tracks or rubber burnt onto the road behind them, nanny Piggins and the children hopped out of the car and raced into the shop as fast as they could not realizing that they'd left the engine on. It did not occur to any Piggins that you needed to turn the car off because she'd never bought petrol before. So she had no idea it was expensive and you should try to use as little as possible while it was always difficult than any begins. And the children decide exactly what sort of sweets to buy or by the way, Americans that are watching sweets and lollies means candy. We have a few different words. So sweets means candy. So when I say sweets or lollies, good, get your brain to flip it to candy. Okay. All right. So where was I? Oh, it was always difficult for the children to decide what sort of sweet candy to buy and coming to this decision. Usually involve them yelling and screaming at each other. The Metro is usually brief though, because no matter how much they preferred peppermints to chocolate or chocolate to sherbet, they were all United in the common goal to get as much as possible and shove it in their mouths. So three minutes after entering, they left the shop, carrying a massive shopping bag, full to the brim within negotiated combination of treats. They hurried back to the car so they could enjoy eating them in peace without being criticized by passes by because it seemed that everyone was an expert on childhood obesity these days. And whenever nanny Piggins let the children eat their own body weight in chocolate in the street, there was always some nosy stranger would stop and give her a piece of their mind once in the car. However, they'd only got a handful of candy into their mouth. When they noticed there was a fully grown man sitting in the middle of the backseat and he was screaming at nanny to drive, hurry up and drive. The man was waving what looked like an incredibly realistic water pistol at nanny Piggins. So nanny Piggins decided to do it. She was told she put the car in drive and asked Michael politely to press the go pedal. As they raised away from the strip of shops, the man seemed to relax. Although he still kept his realistic looking water pistol trained on nanny. Piggins what happened to poorly asked whatever. Do you mean ask any Piggins where did he go? Paul was behind the wheel when I went into the jewelry shop or you as mrs. Or something as the man nanny Piggins was about to get on her feminist high horse and explained that she was no man's messes when she thought better of it. She'd just had her hair set and it looked particularly good. She did not want to get it doused in water. Yes, that's right. I'm Paul's misses. And he asked me to drive you because his dentist had a sudden cancellation. So Paul rushed off to get some much needed root canal work. Oh, said the man, I didn't know he was having trouble with his teeth. Paul. Doesn't like to complain about it. He has a high pain threshold ever since he got shot 15 times during the war. Oh, I didn't know he was in the war. Either said the man nanny pigging it's realized she did it. Put a stop to this line of fiction before she dug herself into a hole. Oh, he was ordered by the government not to talk about it for reasons of national security. Oh, righto said the man. So why did you bring the kids to the job? Um, it's so hard to find affordable childcare. These days said nanny Piggins. She knew this was true because it's what mr. Green muttered all the time, every time he caught us doing something, she shouldn't, which was quite a lot. Well, I reckon it's a stroke of genius. Bringing a kid car full of kids said the man now look twice at us. They'll think we're a family out for a drive. We are a family out for a drive, said nanny, Piggins the man laughed. That's right. That's the story? We'll tell him, would you like a sherbet lemon? Samantha asked the man, she did not really want to give him one of her sweets, but she knew that it was polite to share. And she did not want to go a moment longer without eating one herself. Besides it was most disagreeable. The way he kept pointing his water pistol at nanny Piggins. And she thought if she gave him a lolly, he might put the water pistol down to unwrap it. Tar that's very kind said the man here, mine, this for me, he put his water pistol on the arm rest and turned to look at the view out of the rear window. For some reason, he was more interested in the view out of the rear window. Then he was out of the front. So Samantha simply closed up the armrest, pushing it into the seat and hiding that nasty water pistol from view. I think we've lost him, said the man you've done some good driving sweetheart. He complimented in any Piggins warmly. I've known some fast getaway drivers in my time, but you're the first one I've known. Who's never touched the brakes. I didn't know. You could just touch the brakes at 90 Piggins. I thought you just jammed on them as hard as you possibly could. The man laughed. I like a girl with a sense of humor. You're Paul's lucky, man. But having said that his pleasure with nanny Piggins abruptly ended as the car began to splutter and die. What's going on? The man demanded where's me. He added as an afterthought, but the man never got to find his gun. Regrettably for him, nanny Piggins knew absolutely nothing about the, the workings of an internal combustion engine. As a result, the car coasted to a Fewless halt right out the front of the local police station. And just as the police start, Sergeant was stepping out onto the footpath to go to lunch. And unfortunately for the man with a water pistol, the Sergeant immediately recognized him as Billy McPherson. The well known bank robber and Juul fif well, well, well what have we got here? Then asked the Sergeant as he grabbed Billy by the collar, before he could crawl over Samantha and make a quick exit from the car. You wouldn't have anything to do with the jewelry shop robbery on bridge street this morning, would you? This is the type of rhetorical question that police are always asking. We've just come from bridge street said Derek innocently informing him. Well. Well, well, you've got some explaining to do haven't you Billy, but first you better hand up your gun. I know you always carry. One said the Sergeant, I don't have it on me. I swear on my mother's eyes said the man is true, said Samantha helpfully. Although he did give me his water pistol to mind what she believed. It was tremendously important to be helpful to people in uniform. She pulled down the armrest and revealed the weapon. Thank you. Young lady said the cart. Sergeant kindly I'm surprised at you, Billy Lee, you're losing your touch, letting yourself be disarmed by a little girl. I did give him a sherbet limit to put, get him to put it down. Samantha admitted an interesting tactic. MIS said the Sergeant I'll have to suggest that the next time they come to teachers hostage negotiating. And so it was only three hours after sorry. And so it was after only three hours of questioning. When nanny Piggins of the children were finally sent home, that they realized the enormity of what they had done, who would have thought that we could catch an armed robber suddenly begins in wonder. I never would have given him a sherbet lemon. If I'd known, he was a bad man said to Matt, that if you hadn't given him the sherbet lemon, we all could have been killed in a shootout at the police station. Derek pointed out. So in a way said, nanny Piggins. This is how she started all her best excuses, taking the car out and using your father's money to buy treats saved our lives. Oh, it did. More than that said, Michael, it got an armed robber off the streets could point said nanny Piggins and that's what we'll tell your father if he asked why there's so many dents and scratches in his car. Yeah. We'll say an armed robber made you drive badly at gunpoint. Suggested Derek. Exactly. Now we've got our story straight. Let's really enjoy all this chocolate. So nanny Piggins and the children ate the sweets and race, race, their cockroaches truly satisfied that they had done a good day's work. The end. Thank you for listening to support this podcast just by a book by me, RA Spratt. There's lots to choose from, from across the pesky kids, Friday bonds and nanny Piggins series. You can buy them from your local bookstore. There'll be able to order them in for you. Or you can go to my website, RA sprat.com and click on the book, depository banner. They have all my titles and free international shipping until next time. Goodbye.