Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt

Nanny Piggins Saves Christmas

December 16, 2020 R.A. Spratt Season 1 Episode 41
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
Nanny Piggins Saves Christmas
Chapters
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
Nanny Piggins Saves Christmas
Dec 16, 2020 Season 1 Episode 41
R.A. Spratt

This is the episode I recorded on the weekend as a livestream on Facebook. It is the story of Nanny Piggins standing in for Santa after Boris accidentally causes him to have a head injury outside their house.

Support the show (https://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=5478&awinaffid=714853&clickref=podcast+link1&ued=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.bookdepository.com%2Fauthor%2FR-A-Spratt)

Show Notes Transcript

This is the episode I recorded on the weekend as a livestream on Facebook. It is the story of Nanny Piggins standing in for Santa after Boris accidentally causes him to have a head injury outside their house.

Support the show (https://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=5478&awinaffid=714853&clickref=podcast+link1&ued=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.bookdepository.com%2Fauthor%2FR-A-Spratt)

Speaker 1:

Hello.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to bedtime stories with me, RA Spratt today to celebrate Christmas, I'm going to read to you from nanny Piggins saves Christmas a chapter. So good. I actually snuck it into two different books. It's in nanny, Piggins in the accidental blast off or book four as I like to call it. And the nanny Piggins guide to conquering Christmas. It's my all time. Favorite chapter to read aloud and I hope you enjoy it too. Here we go. Nanny Piggins saves. Christmas was the night before Christmas. So naturally nanny Piggins was up on the roof. Santa's proofing the house by fastening chicken wire over the chimney stack. Right? Pass me the nail gun said nanny Piggins do you know? Santa Claus is not a bad person said Michael handed it to her. I know that. So nanny Piggins whack whack whack with the nail gun. No one likes getting presents from strangers more than me continued nanny Piggins , but that doesn't make breaking and entering. All right. If he wants to give us guessed , she should knock at the door and come in and have a slice of cake said nanny pagans . The children looked at each other. The nanny was not accustomed to the finer points of Christmas because you see she'd lived most of her life at the circus and the ringmaster had never let them celebrate any of the holidays. It amazes me that one, overweight man, wearing a bright red for trim suit , LDO , less managers to go on a worldwide crime spree on the same night, every year. And nobody has ever done anything about it said nanny Piggins you'd think that the theory list, the animal rights activists would have a go at him for wearing first . Well, perhaps they don't because they like getting presents suggested Michael you're probably right. Agreed nanny. Piggins. So few people have principles anymore, especially when it comes to a stocking and full of chocolate treats and toys. Now where's my note. Derek handed his nanny. The note she'd written earlier it read dear Mr. Santa Claus, kindly refrained from breaking into this home by the chimney. If you were a true gentleman , you would knock at the front door and introduce yourself. Or at the very least climb in through the upstairs bathroom window, like a normal person kind regards nanny Piggins flying pig that ought to do it's. A nanny begins as she used the nail gun to Fasten the note to the chimney stack flak , Boris that's her brother who is a 10 foot tall ballet dancing bear from Russia. Boris promptly burst into tears.

Speaker 1:

Okay .

Speaker 2:

Said, Boris, celebrating Christmas was new for him too. But unlike nanny Piggins , he was anxious to not miss out.

Speaker 1:

[inaudible] my . Doesn't have a chimney. How am I going to get my presence?

Speaker 2:

Samantha gave bars his leg accompany and hug. I'm sure he'll climb in through a window or dismantle part of the roof after all he Santa's . So he's got lots of initiative. I hope so said Boris , struggling to control his tears. It's just that I really do like getting presents it's bears. Like you who send mixed messages to burglars said pig and sternly either. It's all right to break into people's homes or it's not, but you break into people's homes all the time. Derek pointed out. Well that's different said nanny. Piggins how asked Michael fortunately nanny Piggins was saved from having to find logic in her argument. Because at this point they were interrupted by a noise from below there's someone in the street, whisper Derek , is it the police Sergeant asked nanny Piggins. I called him and reported that there was a large fat man wearing red and breaking into houses tonight. True. He did laugh at me and hang up, but perhaps he's decided to do something about it after all, they all crept to the edge of the roof and they peered over and they were startled by what they saw. It was not the police Sergeant. No, it was someone much more impressive. It was the greatest annual home intruder of them all. Oh, it's Santa Claus gas nanny Piggins there was no mistaking . The red clothes, the white beard , the sack full of toys and the little round belly that shook when he loved like a bowl full of jelly, India as bars, it didn't seem strange to see Santa Claus traveling by foot. He did not look like a man who took exercise regularly. Perhaps they've ditched him because they don't want to do jail. Time said nanny Piggins. He's got a lot of toys in that sex. Ed, Michael, I hope he's got something good for us. Pass me the nail gun. Again said nanny Piggins I'll give him a present. If he tries to get down our chimney, he can't shoot Santa with a nail guns. It's Amantha not even a little bit. He said the children. I know I'll just use the nail gun to Fasten his boots to the roof, to keep him here until the police Sergeant can arrive. He hasn't got time to get arrested. He's got to deliver presents to all the boys and girls or the world. Oh, pish said nanny Piggins. He's only got to deliver presents to the good boys and girls. That's probably only seven or eight children on the entire planet after all 365 days in a row. That's an awfully long time to expect children to behave themselves. Most of them struggled to keep it up for five minutes, no delivering presents to good kids. That's only going to take him an hour or two. Then he's just going to go home to the North pole to watch television. Well, I've been a good boy and I'm not letting him forget about me. Declared Boris . As he leapt up to his full height, waved his arms around and shouted. Oh , unfortunately Santa Claus was so shocked to suddenly find himself being yelled at by a 10 foot tall bear, standing on a rooftop, but he stumbled backwards into the street, hitting his head hard on the pavement. Oh my goodness. It's Samantha Boris burst into tears. He sobbed don't worry. Our first ATM said nanny Piggins. He may be an international master criminal, but if he needs an ice pack, I'm just the peak for the job. And with that dramatic statement, she lept off the roof. The children were horrified to see their beloved nanny hurdling through the sky. They've rushed forward to see if she was all right. They soon saw that nanny begins, had grabbed a tree branch, done a triple somersault and landed neatly on the front lawn. She'd been watching Robin hood and seen Errol Flynn do something very similar. And she'd secretly been practicing by leaping out of her second story , bedroom window all week. The children hurried back into the attic, ran down the stairs, out through the house to help her, which only took three seconds more, but was nowhere near as impressive. Is he all right? Us Derek. Well, he's breathing said nanny Piggins, but just look at him. He's wearing red trousers with a red jacket. His dress sense is in serious trouble. Oh , maybe that's fashionable at the North pole said Borus looking silly. Isn't fashionable, anywhere setting any Piggins unless you're a clown, then it's an unfortunate career requirement. Check. His pupils said Samantha check is what sits in any Piggins the black part in his, I explained Derek what I do as nanny Piggins well, that's what they always do on TV. Medical dramas said Samantha, then it must be the right thing to do any Piggins . She reached over and grabbed center's eyelashes to lift up his eyelid. Fortunately, she'd been eating caramels. So had Trotters were nice and sticky. And this was easy to do. She pulled the eyelid right up and looked in close , definitely eyeballs. She dropped it back down. Well, shouldn't we call an ambulance suggested Michael. Well, we could sit in any Piggins , but they'd only call the police. And you know, the police Sergeant made me promise. I wouldn't make any more citizens arrests this week. Nanny Piggins had tried arrest in the postmistress at their local post office, arguing that the length of her cues were cruel and unusual punishment. And that since torture had been outlawed under the Geneva convention, the postmistress clearly should be put in jail. You don't want me to spend Christmas day in jail. Do you sit nanny Piggins well, you spent Easter day in jail and you said he quite liked it. Derek reminded her nanny Piggins had been arrested after hurling herself at the Easter bunny in the shopping center and wrestling him to the ground. In the end, she was led off because as she told the judge, the Easter bunny only had himself to blame dressing up in a full-size bunny suit and handing out free chocolate. It's like dressing up as a zebra and standing in the lion enclosure at the zoo. Yes, but I got to eat all the Easter bunnies chocolate before I was arrested, said nanny Piggins . I haven't had my Christmas lunch yet. And you promised to make me the most wonderful Christmas lunch ever. So I don't want to miss that. Well, we can't leave. Santa's unconscious line on the footpath on Christmas Eve night said, Derrick , what are we going to do with him? Isn't it obvious Sidney Piguets knows that the children, I may not know a lot about celebrating Christmas, said nanny Piggins , but I have watched every Christmas television movie and television special ever made. So I know that if Sante falls ill or sprains his ankle, or is abducted by aliens, it's the job of the first person who finds out to take over and do center's job for him. What are you saying are Samantha? Although secretly, she did know . She was just hoping she was dreadfully wrong. I'm saying that this year I shall be Santa Claus and deliver presents to all the boys and girls in the world announced nanny Piggins don't you mean all the good boys and girls said, Michael, no. I'm going to give presence to the bad children as well. Unlike Santa , I believe in positive reinforcement, explain nanny begins . If they're behaving badly and you want them to improve, you have to use the carrot as well as the stick. But you always say you'd rather be hit by a stick than have to eat a carrot argued Michael, just because an expression doesn't make any sense. Doesn't make it less true. Said nanny , pig , and sternly. Now help me get center inside. Would you like me to carry him as Boris ? No, I think we better drag him said nanny Piggins he's a heavy one. And I'd hate for you to get a hernia on the night before Christmas, especially when he promised to perform the entire Nutcracker ballet for us after lunch tomorrow. And so nanny begins bars and the children dragged center inside only banging his head three times on the edge of the garden path. And once again on the telephone table in the hallway, what next does Samantha are you going to put on Sandra's clothes? First of all said, nanny begins. It would be highly impertinent to undress the man. He's got a head injury. So I'd find it very hard to justify to the police Sergeant, why I took his trousers off. And secondly, I would never wear such an unflattering outfit. The children looked at Santa nanny begins, did have a point. Bright red was not very slimming. It's almost as if he's proud to have a white problem, continued to any Piggins in this day and age when everyone is so concerned about childhood obesity, he's hardly a very good role model. No , if I'm going to be Santa Claus, I'm sure I can find something much more glamorous to wear. And so nanny Piggins dashed upstairs and disappeared into her bedroom. She reappeared five minutes later, where at a fabulous off the shoulder Crimson ball gown , which was perfectly accessorized by two beautiful dangling earrings, which nanny Piggins had made out of two chocolate centers , chocolate, Christmas tree decorations never actually made it to the tree in the greenhouse right hand me Santa's sack. I'm off to deliver presence, announced nanny Piggins . The children did not know what to say. They could have said, are you out of your mind or how are you going to climb down a chimney dressed in that? But they realized it would be much more fun watching nanny . Piggins try to climb down a chimney dressed in a ball gown. So Derek simply said, Hey , you are. As he handed his nanny, the sack , then they judicially followed behind her. As she carried it out into the street, where should we deliver presence ? First asked only Piggins there were not a lot of children living in the street. One of the chief reasons for Mr. Green choosing to live in the neighborhood, Mrs. Ron Coley's grandchildren is staying with her suggested Samantha. Julia is five and Raymond is too perfect. So nanny Piggins . And I know for a fact that Mrs Roncalli baked a Dundee cake this morning. So perhaps we can have a slice of cake while we're in there. Wouldn't that be wrong? Asked Derek we're breaking into her house, said nanny begins. If she catches us , she's not going to quibble about a slice of cake. Manny begins bars and the children cross the street and let themselves in through Mrs. Ron Coley's front gate. Then they stood back and watched nanny Piggins. They should have realized that their nanny was not going to let a little thing like an ankle length, satin, ballgown hamper her athleticism. She just hits the hem of her skirt up into Andes and scampered up the drain pipe like a monkey. Next it was the children's turn to get up on the roof. And since Derek , Samantha and Michael had no circus training, this was not so simple. But the children found that if they climbed up Boris and stood on his head, which he did not mind, they were high enough to grasp nanny Piggins Trotter. Then they could pull themselves up one at a time to join her. Pull Boris up was going to be a little bit harder. What with him Wayne's 700 kilograms and not being able to stand on his own head, but the problem was soon sold. When nanny Piggins told him, she thought she saw a bee by his left foot, and he simply leaped onto the roof without any help from anyone nanny Piggins Barson , the children then made their way over to the chimney and peered over the edge. It was very dark and black inside. I'm going to throw the presence down. First said, nanny , Piggins empty in the sack into the chimney. That way they can break my fall. I, you sure you wouldn't like us to fetch a rope so we can just lower your down. Offered. Michael pare said, nanny begins as she climbed up on the chimney stack. This is no time for that. I have a whole planet's worth of toys to deliver. Wish me luck. And with one last wave to the children, she died headfirst into the chimney. The children heard nothing for a moment. Then the distinctive sound of a pig fall in headfirst onto a pile of toys said, nanny Piggins are all right . Call Derek his voice echoing down the chimney. Yes. Replied 90 Piggins . Although in hindsight, I probably should've only thrown the soft toys down. First. A scale model of the Taj Mahal does not make for a very soft landing. Can you see the Christmas stockings asked Michael? I can't see anything. It's too dark down here. Said nanny. Piggins no , hang on. I can't see anything because my Scott's over my head. I'll just adjust that. Wait a minute. There's no way out. There are bricks on office. I didn't like to say anything earlier. Sarah said Boris leaning over the chimney, but Mrs. Ron Coley did get a gas heater installed last month. You remember you made the Workman, lend you their van so you can get even more chocolate than usual from the sweet shop. What's your point as nanny Piggins. I'm pretty sure that to install a gas heater, you first have to break up the fireplace, explain Boris. Well, of all the Manny begins muttered a few very rude things that I cannot repeat here. But the gist of it was she was not impressed that Mrs. Ron Coley had failed to explain the full details of her renovation plans. Didn't any Piggins both personally and in writing, what are we going to do? Worried Samantha, I'm going to give Mrs. Roncalli a piece of my mind said nanny begins , but how are you going to get out of there ? Ask Derrick Manny . Piggins looked up at Boris and the children 20 feet above as they stared down the chimney at her said nanny Piggins. What are you thinking as Boris ? I was just thinking the, from the inside a chimney is an awful lot, like a cannon said nanny Piggins 20 minutes later, the children were standing in a safe distance away on the far side of the street. As Boris rolled out the last of the fuse wire . This is safe. Isn't it? Our Samantha, well, I wouldn't say it was safe. Admitted, Boris. He wasn't honest bear. If anyone else tried it, I'm sure it would go horribly wrong. But at the circus nanny, Piggins used to get blasted out of a cannon seven times a night. So this will be a walk in the park for her. Boris lit the fuse. So, you know, we could just knock on Mrs. Ron Coley's door and explain what happens to Derek beginning to panic or lower wrote down and pull her out. Suggested Michael. Oh, that is a good idea. Said, Boris, it's a shame it's too late. Now look, the fuse is almost there, but the children watched in horror as the fuse disappeared into the chimney, cover your ears. Vice Boris , Derek , Samantha, Michael only just got their hands to their ears before they were shaken by the huge blast. The shockwaves knocked Derek and Samantha off their feet. They would have knocked Michael off his feet too , except he was standing right in front of, and it's hard to go anywhere when there's a 700 kilogram bear right behind you. Then they saw a streak of Crimson rocket up into the sky with a distant cry off from nanny Piggins as she flew up into the stratosphere. Oh my goodness. How's she going to land exclaim? Samantha rake up a safety net. She'll be fine. Said Boris confidently, what do you mean? She'll be fine. Said Derek gravity causes a body to accelerate at 9.8 meters per second. And she goes a thousand meters into , yeah , that means she'll hit the ground going. Derek struggled to do the maths in his head. Really fast supplied. Michael Sarah knows what she's doing said Boris does. She secretly have a parachute in her ballgame ? Our Samantha, she has got one in her red clutch purse, but whoops said, Boris, holding up a red clutch purse. She gave that to me to mind. Oh, no said Samantha, this is going to be the worst Christmas ever. And Samantha knew quite a bit about bad Christmases because their beloved mother had gone missing in mid December and before she'd had a chance to make a Christmas cake. So it was a double tragedy. But a moment later, instead of seeing their nanny plummeting back to earth, as they expected, they saw illuminated in the Moonlight. What looked like a giant red umbrella with two pigs feet in the middle floating slowly down towards the ground. Oh, I don't believe it. Exclaimed . Derek nanny ping and skirt has puffed out and is acting as a parachute. Now I can see why nanny pagan says it's vitally important to always wear clean underwear said Michael nanny Piggins gently drifted back down below the rooftops. Then they all heard the most wonderful sound. Instead of hearing a crash or a thud , there was a huge splash as nanny Piggins landed safely in the backyard, swimming pool of Mr. Mrs. Taylor , three blocks away. You see, I told you she'd be fine. Said Boris Barson. The children ran around to the Taylor's house and met a very soggy nanny . Piggins emerging from the front gate. Well, that was fun. Said nanny Piggins excitedly. Although I think I've ruined my best ball gown. I must have a word with Mr. Taylor about using less chlorine in his pool. You'll not hurt asked Samantha not at all sudden 90 Piggins . I enjoyed it tremendously. There was just enough time in my flight for me to eat my chocolate earrings. But what are you going to do about delivering all the toys R us Derek , you think Santa Claus for 40 minutes now, and you haven't managed to deliver any presence at this, right? You'll never get presence to everyone in just one night added Michael. I must admit I don't seem to be as effortlessly good at this job as I am at every job I try considered nanny Piggins . Perhaps we should go and consult center . He may have regained consciousness by now, and he might be able to let me in on some of his tricks. He could at least tell me where he parked his reindeer. So nanny Piggins bars , the children went back to the house where they found Santa's still lying on the couch. They knew he was all right, because no one with a serious head injury would snore that loud. Sadly , wake up. Santa's called nanny. Piggins wake up. Santa suddenly woke up with a grunt in a very unattractive snot . What, what? Since Santa what's the making of this Santa sounds awfully familiar, said Samantha, with growing dread, his band's falling off. Explain to any Piggins . When Sandra's beard had come away in her toffee , stain to Trotters, but the children were not looking at the bed . They were looking at a farm or shocking sight . The now naked faced Santa's yelled. All three children moaned Mr. Green , what happened? I've just had the most peculiar dream. I was walking along the street when suddenly a great big fat bear started yelling at me. Boris who'd hidden under a lampshade. As soon as he saw Mr. Green whimpered, he was very sensitive about his weight nanny Piggins. She was very protective of her brother slapped Mr. Greenheart across the face. Squealed Mr. Green, what did you do that for? Oh, I'm sorry. Said nanny. Piggins slapping his for his Steria isn't it an ice packs of for head injuries. I always get those two confused. I really must finish reading that book on first aid. Give me back my fake beard demanded Mr. Green. I don't want to lose my deposit at the costume . I will not. How dare you walk the streets impersonating a beloved holiday icon, scolded nanny Piggins children. Love Santa. Just think how disappointed they would be if they thought Santa was like you I'm not dressed up in this ridiculous costume. Voluntarily snapped Mr. Green. I only did it because the senior partner made me for the firm's Christmas party . See why you asked Derek ? I was the only one. The red suit would fit at Mrs. Mr. Green. Ah, yes, because you're fat said nanny begins nodding knowingly, but why were you in home? A big sack full of toys asked Michael shouldn't you have given them out at the Christmas party. Oh, I didn't get a chance to give away any toys because none of the children would come and sit on my lap. Grumbled Mr. Green. I threatened to take a wooden spoon to them if they didn't do what they were told, but that only seem to make them and cry harder. What I want to know said nanny Piggins is if there was a work Christmas party, why didn't you take your own children? Um, well I'm started Mr. Green . It never occurred to me. I, I had children, I suppose. Well, that's a relief said Derek , at least we didn't hurt the real center and we can leave it to the real center to deliver presents to all the boys and girls of the world at it . Samantha, I suppose, considering any begins , but can we still go back across the road so I can blast myself out of Mrs. Roncalli chimney again? That was a lot of fun. I don't think Mrs. Ron Coley would appreciate it. If we did structural damage to her home, worried Samantha pish said nanny begins unsure . She won't even notice. And so nanny begins bars and the children had a wonderful Christmas day. It started well when Mr. Green went into the office to do some paperwork, he needed to rack up brownie points because he's going to have a tricky time explaining to the senior partner, how the sack full of toys had come to be a small pile of melted debris then because nanny Piggins had never made a Christmas dinner before the children were in charge of all the cooking and knowing their nanny. Well, they served Christmas pudding, Christmas pudding, Christmas pudding, and Christmas pudding for entree main course dessert and second dessert. Admittedly, Manny Piggins did ruin the first Christmas pudding. When the children turned off the lights and brought the put in into the dining room, topped with flickering, Brandy sauce, nanny begins was so horrified to see a dessert on fire. She threw herself on the flames, risking her dress and her personal safety. But once the children had explained that flaming Brandy sauce was traditional and in no way damaged the pudding nanny Piggins was able to relax and enjoy the meal. She enjoyed sucking the pudding off her dress, and then they all enjoyed eating the other three puddings off plates. After they'd eaten as much as was physically possible. They went into the living room and had a wonderful time watching Boris perform the Nutcracker. He did break two vases and the light fitting , but only because he put on such a spectacular performance. So nanny and said, Michael, what do you think of Christmas? I think it's wonderful said in any pins . So you're not going to put chicken wire over the chimney next year then asked Derek . No, of course not said nanny Piggins good. Sets them out there with relief. Next year said nanny begins. I'll put a trip wire down by the stockings Santa . We'll never see that coming the end. Well, that's it. Thank you for listening to support this podcast just by a book by me, RA SPRAT , there are plenty to choose from, from across the nanny begins Friday Barnes and pesky kids series. And now there's the audio book of the adventures of nanny Piggins too . You can order them through your local bookstore or go to my website, RA sprat.com and click on the book. Depository banner. They have all my titles and free international shipping until next time. Happy holidays. Goodbye.