Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt

Nanny Piggins and the Psychic Gift

August 25, 2021 R.A. Spratt Season 1 Episode 79
Bedtime Stories with R.A. Spratt
Nanny Piggins and the Psychic Gift
Show Notes Transcript

When Nanny Piggins accidentally damages a cake stand at the local Transport Museum while chasing the curator around in a World War One tri-plane, she has to make some fast cash. Luckily it turns out she has a psychic gift - and her fortune telling business soon does a roaring trade.

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Speaker 1:

Hello, and welcome to bedtime stories with me are rice brat . Well, today's story is a nanny Piggins one and it's from nanny Piggins and the pursuit of justice, or as I like to think of it, books six. So I'm going to read to you chapter four, which is called Madam Piggins and the psychic gift. Here we go. Nanny Piggins had never been so bored in her life. When she agreed to chaperone the children's school excursion, as part of her community service, she had assumed they'd be going somewhere interesting, like a scorpion farm or a hot air balloon race, or at the very least to a cake factory, but no headmaster pimple stock had organized it. So they were traipsing around the national transport museum to 90 Piggins way of thinking that museums were boring at the best of times, but to have an entire museum that only featured different forms of transport was too boring to be true. If she had to look at another train or bus while the curator droned on and on about kilowatts and talk, she was sure she would slip into a coma. The worst part was that the museum was supposed to be about transport, but there was not a single room devoted to the history of the flying pig. Her own life story would have been a thousand times more interesting than Adrian Krickel steins the inventor of the cog. And he had a whole display on top of that. The children were be enforced to fill out a ridiculous questionnaire written by headmaster pimples stock to prove that they had listened to every word the curator said, which totally prevented them from ignoring the key writer and nipping off to the coffee shop for a few slices of cheesecake with their nanny. So nanny Piggins was standing there in a room full of antique, Victorian water pumps, trying to keep herself awake by thinking up new recipes for chocolate ice cream, perhaps more chocolate. When something caught her eye through a doorway at the far end of the room, she caught a glimpse of something red and shiny without thinking her Trotters were drawn towards it. Where are you going? Whispered Samantha as a nanny began to wander away as far away from that dreadful curator, as possible said nanny Piggins. Then I'm coming to set Michael dumping his questionnaire in a bin. Derek followed reasoning that he was the oldest. So it would be irresponsible to let his little brother get in trouble all alone. And Samantha chased after them because much as she did not want to get in trouble, she did not like being the one left behind to answer the angry and difficult questions. So nanny Piggins in the children left the dreary Victorian water pump room and entered a huge airy pavilion with a high glass. So they could see the sunshine and blue sky above. But that was not the best thing about the room. The best thing was that it was chock full of dozens and dozens of airplanes. There were modern jets, old propeller planes and funny looking water planes, some hung from the ceiling, some stood up on pedestals and some were parked on the ground, but the brightest and shyness of all was the one. Then he Piggins had spotted first. It was a bright red world war one, tri plane with German insignia. So it was much, much more exciting than a Victorian water pump. What a pretty machines at 90 Piggins what is it? It's a German fighter plane from the first world war explained . Derek had been forced to study world war one . Only the previous term. That's a plane . Explain many Piggins. I don't believe it. Where does everybody sit? Well, the pilot sits there and the passenger sits this at Derek pointing to the two openings in the chassis. But where does the stewardess sit? And how does she get the drinks cart up and down as nanny Piggins totally baffled. I don't think they have drinks carts on world war. One fighter planes said Samantha drinks, cart , exclaimed to horrified 90 begins. Next. You'll be telling me they didn't serve an in-flight male . Well began Samantha, no in-flight meal. Oh gosh. 90 . Piggins no wonder they were at war. They must've been so unhappy. Nanny begins leaned her Trotter on the wing of the plane. Then immediately recoiled. This isn't a real plane. It's a forgery cried nanny. Piggins it is said, Michael, totally delighted. He enjoyed it when his nanny started denouncing people. And if she discovered a forgery, it was sure to lead to a lot of denouncing. Listen continued 90 Piggins rapping on the wing of the plane. Again. It's hollow. I think it's made of canvas. Maybe Plains were made of canvas back in the old days. Suggested Samantha don't be ridiculous. Well, what happened if it rains? Sit in any Piggins. Samantha had the mental image of a plane, all limp and floppy like a wet beach towel. No someone must have stolen the real plane and replaced it with this canvas. Replica said 90 begins . Well, there's only one way we can find out for sure. Call the police in Austin to bring down a forensic team to common date. The material suggested Derek , turn it on and see if it flies. Declared . Nanny begins . Oh, no said Samantha sitting down on the ground and taking out her lunch. Not so she could eat anything, but so she could use the brown paper bag to hyperventilate into, but that'll never work protested. Derek . Why not? As many Piggins as she walked around the plane, kicking the chocks out from under the wheels. This is a museum, isn't it. They're supposed to restore everything to perfect working condition. But would that be petrol in the engine asked Michael, I don't see why not set nanny Piggins when the Germans lost the war, I expect that a lot more important things to think about than whether or not they'd siphoned all the petrol out of their planes. Anyway, we'll soon . See nanny Piggins hopped into the pilot seat. Oh dear. Samantha, as she tucked ahead between her knees, partly to avoid fainting and partly so she would not have to see her beloved nanny come to harm. Oh, looks at nine . He begins. Delightedly the German flying ice who last used this plane, lift his goggles under the seat . How thoughtful of him nanny Piggins put on the goggles and revved the engine. It cannot be faked. That engine sounds fine. Said Derek . Oh, we won't know for sure until we take her up and any begins up. Whereas Michael, even he was beginning to worry. And generally he was the least inclined to worry of any boy you would get to meet for a spins at nanny begins with a joyous Glint in her eye. The children had seen that Glint before nanny begins. Always got it. Before she threw herself into one of her death defined stunts, such as being fired out of a cannon , doing a back flip off the clothesline or returning a library book two days late. Do you know how to fly? An airplane asked Derek , I am the world's greatest flying pig. Nanny Piggins reminded him. Yes, but the principles are the rather different when you haven't been blasted out of a cannon , argue Derek pitch sitting and he begins. And with that, she opened the throttle release the brake and the plane started to roll forward. At this point, the security guard from the museum started running towards them. Now you might be wondering why had not taken action sooner, such as when nanny Piggins turned on the noisy diesel engine of their 95 year old German tri plane . But you have to understand that the security guard was a little diff and he had fallen asleep while liberating the curators incredibly boring talk on Victorian water pumps, taking place in the next room. But an elderly man with a hot condition was never going to run down nanny Piggins in an airplane. She shot down the full length of the hole, which was perfectly safe because the museum was so boring. There were no members of the public for her to crash into. And then just a Samantha hit her face in her jumper because she didn't want to see her nanny slam into a brick wall. The plane took off and as it lifted up into the air, the tri plane transformed from a rickety old thing, banging along the ground into an elegant flying

Speaker 2:

Machine soaring through

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The sky. Well as much sky as there was inside the room, luckily for nanny Piggins , it was a huge room. So she could comfortably do loop de loops around and around. Stop back pigs screen to queue writer. As he ran into the pavilion, how ask the befuddled security God do I have to do everything myself complained the cue writer. And with that, he leaped into a world war. One, British biplane turned on the engine and took off after nanny Piggins. Goodness knows what he thought he could do to get nanny begins to come down. They may have left petrol in the engines, but the restoration team did have the sense to remove the bullets from the machine guns. So all the curator could do was chase . Nanny begins around and around, which he rather enjoyed. She did the loop, the loops and barrel rolls and weaved in between all the planes hanging from the ceiling to confuse him. Then nanny Piggins flew towards the sun. So the curator would lose sight of her before reappearing behind him blowing raspberries down on the ground. All the school children cheated the most boring school excursion had turned into the world's most exciting school excursion in just a few short moments. Nanny begins, eventually landed voluntarily. When the plane ran out of petrol and started to sputter, she glided to a perfect landing Yankee on the handbrake, a roll in the tri plane to a halt in exactly the same position she had found it. Unfortunately, the curator was not such an adept pilot. When he tried to land, he came in too fast, skidded all the way along the floor, making a mess of the patina and slamming into the refrigerated cake. Stand out the front of the cafeteria, totally ruining the New York cheesecake nanny . Piggins had her ion for afternoon tea, which so horrified in any Piggins that she actually started to cry. Fortunately, in bits of New York, cheesecake off the sides of the smashed refrigerator cake stand soon, cheered her up many hours later when nanny Piggins and the children were finally allowed home, they were not in the highest of spirits, true nanny Piggins had not been taken away to jail, which was a good thing. The museum had decided not to press charges because they did not want an inquiry into why two of the airplanes on public display had petrol in the engines, but they had insisted that she paid for the damages, which seemed bitterly unfair, given that she had not caused any herself. It was the curator who had smashed the expensive refrigerated cake stand. But 90 Pickens did feel bad about ruining the contraption whose sole purpose was displaying cake in ideal conditions. So she agreed to those terms, where are we going to get? $20,000 asked Derek . We could ask father to lend it to us, suggested Samantha. And then they all burst out laughing. It's such a ridiculous suggestion, but seriously children said, nanny begins. We do need a money making scheme. We could get jobs suggested Michael ditch child sit nanny Piggins. Things are bad, but they're not that bad. We could sell something. Suggested Derek probably not wise said nanny Piggins . I think your father is beginning to be suspicious. I sold his antique four poster bed last week. And he's been muttering about his room. Not looking quite the way it did. Now, what we need is a money-making scheme. The children scratch their heads and thought hard, but they did not know much about money making schemes. Derek had a vague idea. They had something to do with asking people to lend you money. Then taking all that money and running away on holiday, which just goes to show. Derek actually knew everything you need to know about running a hedge fund. I ha I've got it. Declared that he begins leaping up from the sofa. I am going to become a fortune teller. The children were not entirely convinced that becoming a fortune teller was an easy way to make $20,000. But nanny begin seemed even more cheaper than usual. As she set up a miniature circus tent on the front path, outside the front of their house. Michael Ronnen fetch the nanny wanted signed from the garage, said nanny Piggins you're not going to hire a new nanny. Or you asked a horrified. Michael, of course not. I want to make my own sign. Explain nanny begins. As soon as Michael returned with the old weather beaten placard nanny, pickins repainted it in exotic lettering. Madame Piggins fortune teller, $5 enter . If you dare , she then put on her best silk dressing gown wrapped a purple scarf about her head, took the statuette of Sante out of a snow globe. So it looked like a crystal ball and then disappeared into the tent. The children stood outside. Wondering what would happen next? Well, come on called nanny Piggins you've got to come in here to your , my assistance . The children breathed a sigh of relief. They might not think fortune telling was a brilliant money-making scheme, but they were pretty sure watching nanny Piggins telling fortunes would be brilliantly entertaining. So they sat inside the tent, playing cards with any plug-ins and waiting for their first customer. Seven hours later, nanny Piggins did not seem at all perturbed that there had not been a single person enter the tent. It always takes a while to establish a small business. She said wisely as she won her 137th game of snap in a row, they had almost forgotten why they were crouching on the floor of a minute to circus tent. When a young woman entered, I was just on my way home. When I saw your sign said the woman you've got a front charge in people, $5 to tell them a load of old malarkey nanny. Piggins look the woman up and down, sizing her up as you are my first customer. I am prepared to offer you a discount. I shall tell you three things from your future for the bargain price of $4 and 99 cents. All right. So the woman I could do with a good laugh and mum's not expecting me home for another half hour. So I might as well, the young woman sat down and held out her Palm for any begins to read. Oh, I don't read those hitting 90 Piggins I rubbed heads. What? Exclaimed, Derek . He had not seen that one coming. Do you want to know what's really going on inside someone's brain? You can't tell by looking at their hands said 90 begins as though this was perfectly obvious. You've got to go right to the source and rub their head. So nanny begins leaned across the table. Grab the woman's head between her Trotters and rubbed it. Interesting muttered 90 Piggins. Well , is it asked the woman scornfully does my dead granny want to tell me to wrap up warm this winter? I'm a fortune teller, not a psychic do pay attention. Scolded nanny Piggins as she continued to rub the woman's head. Okay. I can see it. Clearly. You are going to nanny Piggins paused here for dramatic effect. Yeah . So the young woman who could not help, but be curious, lose a button from your cardigan , said nanny begins and bang your head on a frozen fish and meet a man who is always wet. And he begins then let go of the woman's head and sat back with an air of triumph about her said the young woman I have made my predictions for your future. So Danny begins with the analogy you've talked a load of old hogwash said the woman that will be 4 99, please send any pins holding out her Trotter. If you think I'm going to pay for that utter began the young woman, oh, dear said nanny . Piggins suddenly with an edge of menace in her voice. Michael, I think you'd better fetch Boris , whose Barus asked the young woman, the giant bear who lives in our garden said, Samantha, truthfully I predict is about to get very angry, said nanny. Piggins a young woman decided to cut her losses. She handed over the money and left in assault, muttered about con artists. And so how she had a good mind to call the police. That didn't go well. So Derek Welsey said nanny Piggins smugly whistling to herself. As she carefully packed up a fortune, tell him paraphernalia. I think that we'll do for today, but you finally told one fortune protested, Michael, and you only charged 4 99 said Samantha. So we've got another $19,995 and 1 cent earn all in good time said, nanny Piggins come along since you've been such good children, I'll make chocolate fondue for dinner. It's Tuesday. You always make chocolate fondue on Tuesday said Michael. Yes. I'm lucky that you're always. So well-behaved on Tuesdays, said nanny Piggins the next day nanny Piggins kept the children home from school. She rang head master pickle stock and told him that they had all simultaneously contracted lead poisoning from too much sucking on pencils. She then hung up and took the phone off the hook before he had a chance to consult a medical dictionary. Next, they went outside and began redirecting the tent. They'd only just got the tent. Pigs banged into this rootstocks of Mr. Green's pedigree rose plants. When the young woman from the previous day burst back into the tent, good morning said nanny begins brightly as though the sudden arrival was entirely to be expected. You're a genius gushed . The young woman. Yes. Agreed. Nanny begins a savant. A wonder an inexplicable force of nature gobbled the woman Altru concurred nanny begins. You mean to say that nanny begins . Predictions actually happened as Michael being the first of the children to grasp the woman's strange ramblings, safe yourself, the woman holding up her cardigan. See what? Oh , Derek exactly said the young woman. There's nothing there . The button is missing all three children gassed in amazement. But what about being hit in the head with a frozen fish are Samantha? Well, I went to a sushi restaurant last night and as the chef was walking through the restaurant with a great big frozen tuna on his shoulder, someone called out to him. And when he turned around to say, hello, the tune , his tail whacked me in the head look. So the young woman holding up a fringe and showing them a big black bruise right in the middle of her forehead, amazing sets of maps . But surely you didn't meet a man. Who's always wet. I went to the sushi restaurant on a blind date with a man who is a Marine biologist. He goes scuba diving every day. So the young woman, so he's always wet gas . Samantha exactly said the young woman, every word you say it came true. I know said nanny begins. I don't do things I'm bad at, can you do it again? Because I brought along some friends who want to have their fortunes read too . So the young woman of course said , nanny begins send the first one in. And so nanny begins. Fortune telling business, took off word spread quickly. By the end of the week, there were queues wrapped around the block from five o'clock in the morning onwards. And amazingly every single prediction nanny Piggins made came true. She told the butcher who would accidentally cut off a pinky finger. And the next day he did, luckily for him, it was not his own. It was the work experience boys. And he was not disappointed. The doctor sewed it back on and he had quite the story to boast about when he went back to school on Monday, she told a young lonely man with a secret passion for flamenco dancing, that he would meet the woman of his dreams. If he went outside the tent and found the 17th person in the queue. And indeed there was a lovely young woman with a secret desire to wear frilly, gypsy dresses and rhythmically stamp her feet standing right there. She told Hans the baker that he would find his television remote control. If he looked in his freezer and it was true, his wife, princess Anabel had put it there to punish him for leaving a very dirty ring around the bathtub. Now you have to understand Hans and Anabel had a very loving, happy marriage. And she was a broad-minded princess who did not mind a bit of dirt. But in this instance, the dirt was in fact, a caramel stain where hands had been secretly eating the leftover caramel eclairs from the shop without her. This was a sin that could not go on punished. And she told headmaster pimple stock that he would have a very boring life punctuated only by encounters with a glamorous and beautiful pig, which admittedly any one of the children could have predicted in just five days. She had raked in $20,001 and 9 cents. Look at all this lovely money said , nanny begins heroically, resisting the to roll in it. Now you can repay the museum, sets them out that happily, she hated trouble in all its forms. It weighed heavily on her. That nanny begins was banned for life from the transport museum, even though nanny Piggins was not bothered at all. She actually cheered and threw her hat in the air when she found out, yes, I suppose I have to concede nanny begins reluctantly. The curator at the transport museum sent particularly unworthy of large amounts of cash money. But when she thought of the poor broken cake stand nanny, Piggins got a lump in her throat. We'll take it straight there this afternoon, but the fortune-telling business is going so well. There's nothing to stop us making our own $20,000 next week, I suppose not admitted Samantha. It would be nice to have such a large amount of pocket money. You could even tell fortunes for two weeks and make $40,000 to Derrick or three weeks in. And $60,000 said, Michael, what a good idea said, nanny Piggins . We could have a lot of fun with $60,000. We could travel the world, try and exotic foreign cakes and learning new and exciting ice cream recipes and build a monster robot that crushes cars said , Michael. Oh yes. Obviously that two agreed nanny Piggins but their planning session was at that very moment interrupted. When the lights in the tent flick it on and off smoke billowed in under the entry flap, strange Eastern music filled the air at a doorbell rang. What's going on, asked Derek, why is there smoke in here are Samantha and who installed a doorbell in the tent? As Michael ODS said, nanny begins . I know of only one woman who uses such elaborate special effects before making her entrance. I think I am in trouble. Not again, side Samantha, Derek , you had better open the front flap of the tent. And if you find a beautiful and exotic African sorceress there do let her in said nanny Piggins. As she picked up a plate of chocolate, ready to welcome a guest children prepare yourselves. You're about to meet a real fortune teller. The one from the circus, a moment later, a beautiful and exotic sources glided into the tent. Nanny begins predictability extended to knowing who was at the door. Hello? Madam Sandra . So good to see you said nanny begins politely. Sarah Piggins booned Madden Zandra in her beautiful resonant voice. You

Speaker 2:

Should be ashamed of yourself.

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Oh, I am. Nanny begins. The shorter. Those were the gift of fortune telling have a responsibility to uphold the rules of mystical power said Madam Zandra sternly. When I taught you my secrets, you promise to abide by these rules. Sorry. I forgot. I must have had too little chocolate that day. The rules just slipped my mind. Confess nanny begins. Then I shall

Speaker 3:

Remind you all. Um , rule one of four , June teller must always muddle

Speaker 1:

Her predictions up with gobbledy, goop and

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Uncom and tone . Sandra, of course,

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At any begins. If you tell a four Junes accurately, you're going to put the rest of us out of business said Madam Zandra , do you really want a whole crowd of

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Angry unemployed?

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Fortunetellers on your own doorstep . No madams . Andra Sydney begins humbly. Andrew always keep your tent properly. Ventilate did coughed Madam Zandra as she flipped her hand in front of her face.

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So you can use lots of smoke in your special

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Effects. You're so right. Madams, Andra . I don't know what I was thinking said nanny begins . However, I predict that you won't punish me too severely because you're so lovely. And you'd quite fancy. Some of the treacle tart, I have hidden in my turbine. And so nanny Piggins closed her fortune telling business on the whole. She was glad to do it while having $60,000 would be nice. Having jobs was not. So it was much better to have just one instead of two madams, Andrew left after making any begins, swear, never to tell an accurate fortune again, then nanny because of the children went down to the transport museum to pay for the damages when they got to the museum. However, the most remarkable thing happened for a start. They could not get into the building and not just because nanny Piggins was banned, but because there was police tape across the front entrance, naturally nanny Pickens , just ducked under the tape and went inside. Then after several police, constables tried and failed to crash tackler in the lobby, the police Sergeant intervened and told her that she did not have to repay the museum. It turns out nanny Piggins had been entirely, right? The world war one fighter planes were fake. The curator had sold the real planes over the internet and substituted them with forgeries he'd made in his own garage, which is why they had petrol in their engines because he had flown them into work early one morning before anybody else got in. So the curator was forced to pay for all the damages himself. This meant nanny Piggins Boris and the children returned home with a $20,000 still in their possession. The cash sat on the coffee table where they stared at it. It's such a lot of money said, Samantha, reverentially what are we going to spend it on? Us? Derek , a honey farm suggested Boris , a medium sized monster robot suggested Michael, no said nanny Piggins while they are excellent suggestions. I have an even better idea. Later that day, nanny Piggins Barus and the children went out and bought their own refrigerated cake stand. They put it right in the middle of the kitchen and nanny Piggins was so proud of their purchase. She actually polished it. And as you know, she did not normally believe in house work . Of course the cake stand remained empty at all times. You see it did its job to , well, whenever nanny Piggins put a cake in there, it looked so good. How could she resist eating it? But she enjoyed knowing she could store a cake in it. If she chose to the end. Thank you for listening to support this podcast. All you've got to do is buy a book by me, RA Spratt . There are a lot to choose from from the nanny Piggins series, the Friday bond series or the pesky kids series. And now there's the new book based on this podcast. Shockingly good stories. You can order any of these things through your local bookstore, or you can go to my website, RA sprat.com and click on the book, depository banner. They've got all my titles and they've got free international shipping. That's it for now until next time. Goodbye. Oh, and if you're in Australia, have a happy book.