'The Origin of Thor's Hammer' as told by Nanny Piggins

After using a hammer to assist a neighbour in getting into their home, Nanny Piggins tells the children the story of her distant relative from the ancient Norse Mythology days - Loki Piggins and how Thor's hammer came to be made.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Hello and welcome to Bedtime Stories with me, Ara Spratt. Now, you will have noticed that this episode is dropping several hours late. Normally I drop them at 6 a.m. Australian Eastern Seaboard time. But uh it's now 11.24 a.m. and I'm recording this, so it'll take me a little bit to of time to record and edit. So I'm guessing it's gonna drop like probably two o'clock this afternoon. Um so that's late. So that's eight hours late. Uh which I apologize for. I don't think I've ever done that before in the five years of doing this podcast, but um, it was either that or do a rerun, and I thought I I knew I wanted to do this episode, so I didn't want to do a rerun. Um so I think it's it's gonna that's why it's late. Um it's just been a crazy few weeks with launch in Friday March 13. Um I've been travelling around a lot for that and I did had the big uh launch here in Barrel. Thank you very much to everyone who came, it was sold out, really good fun. And uh just lots of bits and pieces. When you launch a book, there's lots of bits and pieces. I've also just finished the structural edit of Romeo v. Juliet, so um that was a lot of work too. It's weird when you write a book. Um, for me anyway, uh, but you concentrate really hard. Like it doesn't seem to an outsider, it just seems like you're sitting at your desk, but you're actually concentrating really, really hard. And the further you get into writing a book, the the further you sink into the concentration. And like my kids aren't come home from school, and I say, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm writing Romeo and Juliet. I feel like my brain is still in Verona, you know, in the 16th century or the 15th century, and that you know, you it's it's a very weird sort of mindset, and it's very you lose track of real life things. So I've been a bit addled for that. But anyway, it's done now. Um, school holidays are coming up, so I'm I'm getting this done. And uh next week I'll probably do another Friday Barnes episode so that I can catch up a little bit, and then this is gonna be a Thor episode today, and then I've got another Thor story plan for the week after that. So I've got quite a few stories coming up. People have been asking. Someone asked for Nemesis, and I've been promising to do Diwali. So um, anyway, there's quite a few things coming up. So for this week, Thor. So let's just get into it. Um, because you know I did say, oh, I was looking for a Swedish story, and uh occurred to me, of course, Norse mythology. It's all from Scandinavia, Sweden's part of Scandinavia, so I'll just jump in and do a story from Norse mythology. So today I am going to be doing the story of the origin of Thor's hammer, as told by Nanny Piggins. Here we go. Nanny Piggins, Boris and the children had just got home from school. They were very hungry. Children are always hungry after attending school because education is so emotionally and physically exhausting. The energy required to stay awake was enormous. But Nanny Piggins was a great believer in the recuperative benefits of cake. She maintained that it was vital for the children to eat cake as soon as they got home to flush all the useless twaddle out of their heads that maths teachers insisted on cramming in there. But on this day they were extra especially hungry, because they had been delayed on the walk home. They'd been walking past Mrs. Lau's house when they'd found Mrs. Lau trying to climb up her own poinsettia bush, which was not working because the poinsettia branches were bendy, and the closer she got to the tip of a branch, the further it bent back towards the ground. Might we be of assistance, Mrs. Lau? Nanny Piggins called out. Has your poinsettia been naughty? Is that why you're wrestling with it? No, said Mrs. Lough. I accidentally locked myself out of the house. I'm trying to climb this bush to get to the open upstairs bathroom window and squeeze in there. Very wise, said Nanny Piggins. She was a great believer in breaking in through upstairs bathroom windows herself. She often did it when she didn't feel like carrying a house key. Or I could just open the front door for you, offered Nanny Piggins. Do you have a key? asked Mrs. Lau. This may seem like a strange question, but having a key to a neighbour's house, even if they'd never given her one, is just the sort of thing Nanny Pickens would do. She broke into her neighbour's houses so often, if they ever couldn't find one of their belongings in their own home, something like an egg whisk or a food processor, or a grand piano, it was often because Nanny Pickens had borrowed it. When asked, she would always send Boris around straight away to return it, so the neighbours didn't mind. It meant they had more counter space in their kitchen. I don't have a key to your house, said Nanny Pickens, but I am very good at picking locks. You are, said Mrs. Lau. How wonderful. Then please do. That would be very convenient. Climbing in through an upstairs bathroom window is not as easy as I had hoped it might be. I'm turning sixty three next month, and I don't have the upper body strength I used to. It's always a pleasure to help a neighbour, said Nanny Piggins. She walked up the path to the front door, rifled in her handbag for a moment, then pulled out a very large hammer, and before anyone could say, Hey, what are you gonna do with that? Nanny Piggins smashed the lock with all her strength, knocking it right out of the door frame. There you go, no trouble at all. Mrs. Lau looked stunned, but she did really need to go to the bathroom, and this was much more convenient than climbing in through a window, so she decided not to quibble. Thank you, uh thank you very much, she said. My pleasure, said Nanny Piggins. She then took Boris and the children home. The children were on their third slice of chocolate cake, when Samantha's hunger was sufficiently sated, and she started to think about asking a follow-up question. So Nanny Piggins, why do you carry a hammer in your handbag? Doesn't everybody ask Nanny Piggins? I don't think so, said Derek. How peculiar, said Nanny Piggins. Hammers are tremendously useful. It's always good to have one on you. For what? asked Michael. Well, what if you suddenly and unexpectedly needed to hang a pitcher? Michael nodded. He could see how this would be a cause for concern. Besides, it's traditional, said Nanny Piggins. Everyone in my family has always carried a hammer everywhere they go, ever since the ancient Norse mythology times. Whoa, hold on, said Derek. You're saying you had family back in the ancient Norse mythology times? Of course, said Nanny Piggins. Everyone knows the Norse gods were spectacularly good looking and brave. So of course they were all pigginses. Of course, said Derek. You better tell us the whole story, said Samantha. I will, said Nanny Piggins. But we'd better bake some cinnamon buns first. You know how vitally important it is to eat regionally appropriate snacks when telling a tale. When they all had a cinnamon bun in each hand and one stuffed in their mouths, Nanny Piggins began her story. It all happened many years ago in the ancient Norse mythology days, when Odin was king of the gods. Like Zeus was king of the Greek gods, our Samantha. Yes, except Odin didn't get as much attention, said Nanny Pigins. Because he didn't keep kidnapping nymphs, our Samantha. Gosh, Zeus was such a rotter. Well no, actually, well, maybe, who knows, said Nanny Piggins. People didn't pay as much attention to Odin because they were too busy staring at his son Thor, who was staggeringly good looking. Was he a pig and a woman? asked Michael. Actually, surprisingly not, said Nanny Piggins. He was just a freakishly good looking, incredibly athletic, very muscly god with long red hair. Red hair? I thought he was blonde, said Derek. No, that's just the way they depict him in movies, said Nanny Piggins. Blonde actors have to have all the best parts in movies. I don't know why. I think there must be a secret blonde lobbying organization that has infiltrated Hollywood to promote their agenda of overrepresentation in film and television. Now I've got to imagine everything I've ever thought about Thor, said Derek. Would you like a moment to close your eyes and visualize red hair? asked Nanny Piggins. Yes, please, said Derrick. All three children close their eyes and reimagined Thor with red hair. Right, let's get on with the story. So Thor was very eye catching. Actually, now that I think about it, perhaps he did have some piggins genes in his family, because he was really very attractive. People were always stopping him in the street and wanted to know his weightlifting program and his hair care regime, and who he went to to get his beard braided, that sort of thing. Thor braided his beard? asked Derek. Oh yes. Braiding was all the rage back amongst the Vikings, said Nanny Piggins. It's very practical to have long hair to warm your head when you live so close to the Arctic Circle. And it's also very practical to braid it to keep it out of your eyes, when you're attacking villagers and hacking people up with your battle axe. Fair enough, said Derek. Now Thor was married to Sif, continued Nanny Piggins, and she was staggeringly beautiful as well. Did she have red hair too? asked Michael. No, she had beautiful long golden blonde hair. At least that's what the worldwide blonde consortium wants us to believe, said Nanny Piggins. Sif was also the goddess of wheat and family. Wheat had its own god, asked Samantha. Well, carbs were beloved even then, said Nanny Piggins. Now Thor and Sif were deeply in love and had lots of children and were busy, active members of the Norse god community, said Nanny Piggins, as well as being admired for being incredibly good looking and muscly. But like all families full of incredibly talented, beautiful, accomplished people, there's always one family member who lets everyone else down, and his name was Bramwell. Bramwell, said Derek. You mean like your brother? Nanny Piggins had 13 identical 14 uplets sisters, who were each brilliant in their own unique, individual, evil way. But she also had one brother. Well, obviously she had two brothers, but Boris was adopted and therefore not genetically related, which explained why he was so nice. Her other brother was Bramwell, and he was no good. He was as lazy as his sisters were brilliant, and he was always getting into trouble. I've never heard of a Bramwell in Norse mythology, said Samantha. No, he had to change his name for legal reasons. In Norse mythology, Bramwell went by the name Loki, said Nanny Piggins. And like all the other Bramwells in our family, Loki was utterly good for nothing. He was always causing mischief and doing despicable things. So Loki was a distant relative of yours? asked Derrick. I'm afraid so, said Nanny Piggins. But from the Bramwell side of the family, so we don't like to talk about it. Now Loki was also adopted by Odin. But he wasn't adopted as a son, he was adopted as a brother. That's confusing, said Derrick. It seems perfectly normal to me, said Nanny Piggins. I adopted Boris. It's the best decision I've ever made. Do you think Odin made a good decision when he adopted Loki as his brother? Yes, well, probably not so much. Anyway, Loki was Odin's adopted brother, and I don't care what it says in the movies, he was actually technically Thor's adopted blood uncle. So there you go. Let's not get bogged down by the details of the Norse God's family tree. It's very confusing, trust me. Anyway, back to Loki. No one paid much attention to Loki because Thor was so stunningly attractive, no one could tear their eyes away. So very few people realized just how no good Loki was, which made Loki feel underappreciated, which led to him feeling jealous, which led to him feeling mischievous, which led to trouble. One day, Loki was walking through the palace when he noticed Sif taking a nap on the sofa, which is totally understandable. I'm sure being married to Thor would be exhausting. All that hair braiding and beard braiding would be tiresome. Anyway, Sif's beautiful long blonde hair was spread out on the pillow beside her, and Loki was overcome with the overwhelming urge to snip off all her hair with a pair of scissors. That's dreadful, said Samantha. Indeed, said Nanny Piggins. But you know how it is. Sometimes wickedness is irresistible. Like when you walk past Han's bakery and you see a freshly baked cinnamon scroll in the window, and you get an overwhelming urge to smash the glass with a brick, snatch up the roll, shove it in your mouth, then run down the road screaming, It's not my fault!

SPEAKER_00 12:51

You made me do it by baking such a visually delicious dessert!

SPEAKER_01 12:55

The children nodded. They knew all about this because Nanny Pickens had done exactly that the previous Tuesday. Hans didn't mind too much. He had a glazier on speed dial, and he always just added the cost of replacing the window to Nanny Pickens' bill the next time she came in to buy a cupcake. When Sif woke up and all her hair had been hacked off, Loki was not a gifted hairdresser, she burst into tears. Thor came in to see why she was crying, and when he saw her shaved head, he hit the roof. Literally, he leapt up and punched the ceiling, because Thor had quite the temper, and anger management wasn't a concept in the ancient Norse mythology days. Thor grabbed hold of Loki and threatened to break every bone in his body. And there are 206 bones in a human body, so that would have really hurt, and taken quite some time. Oh Thor, please don't be cross, said Loki. I didn't mean to cut off all of Sif's hair. The scissors just slipped in my hands over and over again. I don't know how it happened, but there's no need to be angry. I'll make it up to you. I'll make Sif a head of hair that's much more beautiful than one she had. How? asked Thor. Easy peasy, said Loki. I'll just go down to Svatlheim, the cavernous home of the dwarves, and get their greatest master craftsman to fashion a new head of hair for Sif. You can't make a head of hair, said Thor. Oh, those dwarves are very talented, said Loki. They can make anything. I'm sure it'll be even better than her old hair. I promise. Thor thought about this for a moment. Well, I did really like her old hair. It was very beautiful, so if you can make her even more beautiful hair, then that would be very nice indeed. Very well, I shall permit you to venture down to Svatelheim. So off Loki went. Now there were several brilliant craftsmen amongst the dwarves, so Loki had to pick which one he went to. First of all, Loki went to the dwarf Ivaldi and explained what he needed. And Ivaldi, being a master craftsman, soon made the most beautiful golden head of hair ever seen, entirely out of cake. Cake? said Derek. How do you make a head of hair out of cake? Well, to be fair, it was basically just a big golden sponge cake with a hole cut into it, for Sift to stick her head in, conceded Nanny Piggins. But why would you want actual hair on your head when you could have a cake? The children had no argument for this. Ivaldi also made two other masterpieces for Loki. Skidbladnir, which was a full sized ship, assembled from incredibly thin pieces of chocolate, so it could be folded up and popped in your pocket. An origami ship made out of chocolate? asked Samantha. Yes, said Nanny Piggins. Then Ivaldi made Gungir, the deadliest of all spears. What did he make that from? asked Michael. A really big licorice stick, said Nanny Piggins. Because a lot of people don't like licorice, so if being stabbed with the pointy end of the spear did get you, then being grossed by the licorice smell would. Anyway, after making these three masterpieces, Ivaldi handed them over to Loki to give as gifts to the other gods. Now that Loki had what he'd come for, and much more besides, Loki could have returned to Asgard, but he was feeling mischievous again. So Loki went to visit the other greatest craftsman amongst the dwarves, a pair of brothers called Brocker and Sindri. And Loki being Loki didn't ask them nicely for help. He taunted them. Hey, Brocker, Sindri, look what Ivaldi made for me, said Loki. I would have asked you, but I knew you'd never be able to make something this beautiful, powerful, and useful. We could too, said the brothers. I bet you can't, said Loki, thinking he was really clever because he was about to trick them into making him even more gifts. What do you bet? asked the brothers. I bet my head that you can't make anything as good as this, said Loki. All right, you're on, said Brocker. So the brothers set to work, and they worked hard. Loki began to realize that he may have made a dreadful mistake. He quite liked his head. He didn't want to lose it. He'd have to make sure that the brothers stuffed up their projects. So Loki transformed himself into a fly and began to pester Sindri as he worked, buzzing about his head. But Sindri would not be distracted, so Loki gave up trying to be subtle, and he swooped down and stung Sindri on his hand. But Sindri ignored the pain and produced his creation from the oven. It was a living boar, a pig with golden hair, and it was called Golden Bristles, or Gulimbristi in Old Norse. You mean another blonde? said Samantha. Yes, said Nanny Piggins, the worldwide conspiracy of blondes has been around for a long time. Anyway, Sindri set to work once more as Brocky worked the billows that pumped hot air into the oven. Biting Sindri hadn't worked, so this time Loki flew around as a fly and bit Brocca on the neck. But Brocker just kept pumping. And this time Sindri pulled out a golden ring made of solid candy, and it was a magical ring. Every ninth night, eight new rings of equal size and weight would fall from it, so the owner would never run out of candy. Oh, that's pretty cool, said Michael. But the brothers weren't done. They set to work making one more object. Now the first two gifts looked really good, and Loki could not risk them making something even better. So this time he went for it. This time, as they worked the oven, Loki in his fly form swooped down and stung Brocco right on the eyelid. Oh, that would have hurt, said Boris. It did, said Nanny Piggins, but that wasn't the problem. Brocco was too tough to let a little thing like searing pain distract him. No, the problem was that blood from the sting dripped into his eye and prevented him from seeing what he was doing. So he hesitated for just one crucial moment. Nevertheless, Sindri soon took his creation out of the oven, and it was magnificent. It was a hammer made of solid fudge. But because of the blood in the eye at the crucial moment, it did have one small flaw. The handle was too short. But nevertheless, it was a magnificent piece. Sindri and Brocka had clearly made the finer creations, so they set out for Asgard to claim their payment, to let Odin know they were going to cut Loki's head off. In a panic, Loki snatched up the gifts and rushed ahead of them. He got to the hall of the gods before the dwarves. Hey Thor, look what I've got! Sif's new hair, said Loki. Just like I promised, I told you I'd replace it. That's not hair, said Thor. It's just a big cake. Yes, agreed Loki. But try it on, Sif. Sif lifted the cake and put it on her head. It seemed silly, but the fact was it did look staggeringly beautiful. Wow, said Thor. You're already the most beautiful woman in all of Asgard, Sif, and in fact the entire universe. But now, somehow, you look even better. Almost good enough to eat. And I've got presents for everyone, said Loki. Look, Odin, for you I've got a spear that can stab anyone, as well as grossing them out with a smell of licorice. And a candy ring that makes more candy rings. Nice, said Odin. I do like candy. And Freya, said Loki, I didn't forget my dear niece. Look, I've got you and an origami chocolate chip and a golden pig. The pig ran forward to greet Freya. Nice, said Freya, but where's the chocolate ship? Oh dear, said Loki. I think the golden pig may have eaten it. But it was the thought that counts, hey? You got everyone else present, said Thor. Did you get anything for me? Yes, of course, said Loki. For my dear favourite adopted blood nephew, I got this. A hammer.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

A hammer, said Thor. What am I gonna use that for? Home renovating? I'm a god!

SPEAKER_01 21:01

I'm not a tradesman! Ooh, said Sif. I've been asking you to fix that shelf in the living room for months. Now you can do it. Thor scowled. Then he pounted. Then he sulked. Then he fumed. Oh dear, said Odin. Now Thor, there's no need to throw a tantrum.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

It's a perfectly nice hammer. But you all got cool presents! I want a cool present!

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Some stupid hammer, said Thor, with which he raised the hammer up and slammed it into the ground.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

As soon as the hammer struck, lightning bolts cracked in the sky! There was a deafening thunderclap and the earth shook.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Wow, said Thor. That was cool. He smashed his hammer into the ground again and again. Lightning cracked and thunder rolled across the world. Awesome! Now try throwing it away, said Loki. Why would I do that? asked Thor. A weapon like this will be an enormous helping up wars with the giants. Just try it. You'll see, urged Loki. So Thor threw the hammer across the room. And it smashed straight through the wall and shot out into the sky.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Well, that was silly, said Thor. I just threw my own awesome hammer away.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Wait for it, said Loki. Wait for what? asked Thor. But his question was soon answered by the hammer itself, when it shot back into the room and slammed back into Thor's hand. Okay, that was cool, conceded Thor. Just then the dwarves burst into the hall. Stop right there, said Brocco and Cindri. Loki, you made a bet with us. It's time to pay the price. What was the bet? asked Odin. Loki said that if we made better gifts than Ivaldi, then he would give us his head, said Cindir. Oh dear, said Odin. That hammer is a really good gift. We made the pig and the ring, too, said Brocker. Oh dear. Sorry, Loki, a deal is a deal, said Odin. You wouldn't want to break your word. You're just gonna have to let them cut your head off. But wait, said Loki. I can see that the dwarves are entitled to my head, but nowhere in our bargain did I agree to let them have my neck. And they can't cut off my head without also cutting my neck. So therefore they can't take payment. Ooh, he's got you there on a technicality, said Thor. Loki, you are too tricky for your own good, said Cindir. You think you're so smart with your clever bargain. Well we'll make sure you can never make a mischievous bargain again. You say we're entitled to his head? Cinder asked Odin. Yes, said Odin, just nod the neck. Then we will do what we like with his head, said Cindyr. Brocka, hand me my needle and thread. And so Cindir used the needle and thread to sew Loki's mouth shut, so he could never speak his mischief again. At least not until he got his scissors and unpicked the stitches. But still, the dwarves had made their point and went back to their cabin feeling satisfied. And more importantly, Thor now had his hammer, which he named Mjolnir, which means lightning in Old Norse. And Mjolnir would come to be the star in many of Thor's future adventures. The end. Time for bed. But we just got home from school, protested Samantha. Oh yes, so you did, said Nanny Piggins. I'll tell you what, instead of going to bed, let's make huge sponge cakes and wear them on our heads. Then eat them, right? asked Michael. Of course, said Nanny Piggins. Just think how marvelous it will be to be able to eat cake directly from your own head. It'll allow you to keep your hands free for drinking chocolate milk and eating chocolate. And so that is what they did. All right, well, we'll leave it there. I hope you enjoyed that story. So until next time, goodbye.